Bedrock & Paradox

I dream of a hard and brutal mysticism in which the naked self merges with a non-human world and yet somehow survives still intact, individual, separate. Paradox and bedrock.

Antidote

For obvious things.


Ribeye, sauteed in garlic, soy, sriracha.
Green beans and bell pepper, ditto.
Greens.
Cabbage.
Carrots.
Tomato.
Avocado (1 whole).
Juice of one lemon, dash of olive oil, salt.

I need to do that more often.

Combine with an easy hour plus spontaneous recovery/exploration ride, and a healthily resolved argument with M, and you have a wholesome evening.

And a tiring one.

All the things that make getting out of bed worthwhile:

-my job and helping students a little each good day
-training for goals both immediate and remote
-the practice of doing little things right (like I know how)
-being a partner worthy of my wife and what she gives me

They’re all an agonizing pain, almost it sometimes seems more often than not. And that is why they are what they are. On rare days I can embrace one or more, climb inside, and look out at the world in amazement at what I have done. Quite frequently I have to force myself to not crawl away and hide, in the computer, or bed, or the TV (all tools of sloth and avoidance). And other days are like this one, where I can embrace one while uneasily holding another at arms length, eying things warily with balance more a joke than a thought.

I like writing this to you; remote friends give me cause to be as honest as I can be right now.

Sleep well.

DaveC

7 responses to “Antidote”

  1. Enel Avatar
    Enel

    The reason I like reading your blog Dave is your honesty.I also like the way you talk about your wife. It is rare to see such honor in today’s society. It is many times easier to show contempt and disrespect than love and honor.I can certainly relate to the tools of sloth line. They are all around and ready to suck you away from more important things.

    Reply
  2. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    I appreciate the compliment, coming from you I hold that as high praise. Not that it’s an easy thing to do, very much the contrary.

    Reply
  3. Ed Avatar
    Ed

    I got rid of cable t.v. several years ago so no t.v. watching other than dvd’s for me….yahoo!! But that slothful temptation was replaced by another in the form of high speed cable for the internet and guess what, I looked at the NYT’s Top 10 books of ’07 and realized I don’t READ enough!The many really cool distractions we find ourselves surrounded by probably cause more emotional avoidance and lack of introspection than ever before in the history of the world. That may be why I like to go out into the wild so much, into the quiet and solitariness of nature, I can think.However, I must say that having a blog has forced me to focus on and hopefully improve my writing style. Not to mention reading some truly excellent stuff by fellow bloggers like yourself (misspellings forgiven of course) makes me realize I have a long ways to go in that regard.Cheers Honest Dave :-)Ed

    Reply
  4. Blair Avatar
    Blair

    I look forward to riding with you and meeting with some of the characters in your blog’s peanut gallery. It is encouraging to know there are so many good people around!

    Reply
  5. Enel Avatar
    Enel

    Ed:I was a voracious reader before the internet age. Now I do all my reading online. Most of it at a 3rd grade level. It has totally displaced TV for me.I need to read more as I find my mind has lost its edge for digesting difficult books.The great articles Dave finds help to wake me up a bit.Blogging is work and I have decided for the most part, I don’t have the time it takes to do it well, so there it sits with the very occasional update.

    Reply
  6. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Blair, we gotta meet up for something, sometime! Let me know if you need to escape the winter.I started this deal last year with priority number one being to do a bit of writing on a regular basis. And it’s been a success, with many side benefits. I certainly wish the muse struck well and thoroughly a bit more often, but I’m working on that.Ed, Eric: very gratifying words, thank you. Eric, I am at your service this weekend.

    Reply
  7. Enel Avatar
    Enel

    I’m thinking Sunday, just before dawn,, little granite to 40 around the Basin, then back up 40.

    Reply

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