I’ve spent today in post-portfolio depression. Much like post-race depression, it’s a mix of fatigue, relief, and existential torpor. Too bad I still have school stuff to do and can’t check out completely. I went for a very nice run this morning, did a bunch of research, then went climbing and had the sort of session where everything had me a-flailin’. I’ve always had weak fingers, and that problem is hightened when I don’t climb regularly.

I’ve also induldged in some distractions. The internet is better than television, in ways good and bad.

This British series on Dean Potter really is quite extraordinary once you get past the theatrics. The production values are very high, and I was pleasently surprised by the fluid, respectful way they made Dean’s emotional struggles the hub of the film. He’s a polarizing figure, but cannot be faulted for a lack of impact on the world. Back in the day I passed him checking out in City Market, and his physical presence (6’5″, ripped, skinny, crazy hair) mirrors his inner intensity.

Right now I want some of that focused intensity back. Life has been perfectly intense lately (10 posts in April is not a good sign of me having a happy life), but I’ve been so far behind the curve that the journey down the hill to the finish life has been a desperate fight to keep the flailing mess together with any semblance of coherence. I want to hit the reset button, catch back up with myself, and regain the unity that made life back in Arizona so free and easy.