This was waiting for me in a fortune cookie last night. You can’t make this shit up.

School has hit the fan in a major way lately, and not just the workload. Let us leave it that certain person(s) don’t approve on my impending self-appointed fall break.

And I say: fuck ’em. I made a promise to myself this summer that I would live this year in a sustainable way, and that’s what I’m going to do. I enjoy being busy and having full days. I do not enjoy coming to fear my email, or waking to a generalized sense of dread. It isn’t as simple as denying those things and having them go away, but I’m doing my best against them anyway. It goes back to what I wrote a few weeks ago, in that a big part of my fully inhabiting my adulthood is understanding and embracing the choices I make.

I am not the best student. Never have been. I have certain gifts that let me outshine the vast majority of others under certain circumstances, and I need that quite often to make up for my lack of dedication. I am dedicated, but not to the degree which can really distinguish my products (unless you count farting, of course). If I were, I’d have had a 4 point in my last two years of undergrad, and would have a sub-16 hour Kokopelli time to my name.

But I’m content to not have those things. I prefer dabbling in depth, having a range of occupations, memories, achievements, and people in my life. This is why I’ll spend hours doing homework tomorrow, but also go to meetings, do a solo singletrack ride in the morning, and do the Thursday Night Ride brewery tour in the evening. Because smiles and friends are more important than that last little bump to my resume. That part of me isn’t going to change, and in a few years I’ll have to find a social work doctoral program that can live with it.

Away from matter existential and back to matters logistical; I loaded up my pack with all my food for next week and my modified, cold weather kit. 5 degree bag instead of 25, down coat, thicker base layer, gloves, socks, etc. Even an extra (very thin) foam mat. It all fits in shockingly well, enough to prompt me to throw in some extra calories to help keep warm. I may make some cookie dough in remembrance of our brothers to the north, or just bring along a full jar of nutella. If I remember one thing from my wilderness therapy days, it is that fat and calories are your friends in the cold.

Our stay in Butte and lack of hiking time in Yellowstone has made sure that I have supercharged legs for the backpack. I’ve been doing sign sprints on my commuter all day going from place to place just to be able to sit still. Damn the weather, I want to go hiking.